Friday, 8 August 2025

Two Paragraph Stories, Blogs, Jottings & Gags (7) by Alan Ewing

 

 

 

 

 

 

Two Paragraph Stories, Blogs, Jottings & Gagg (7)

by Alan Ewing

excerpts from ebook 

click here 

 


 



Life's Loop

Life can seem like a loop
Jumping through little hoop
Birth to death in an instant
You are not so permanent
 
Life was eternal when so young
Till on age you got so hung
Certainly turned your life around
As in maturity reflection you found
 
It seemed like it went on forever
Times shared when all together
Then life dealt a decisive blow
Loved ones gone to boldly go
 
For what is life without a spiritual side
Just some place to run and hide
Seeking here to find an answer
Playing the part of life's chance
 
All in all it comes down to God
The play is within the play
Life's little gerlfriend don't you know
She will show you the way to 
 
 
 
 
English Heatwave
 
 

Once again, it is an English heatwave
And I have lost my brain again
Oh so sunny give us a wave
I think that I'm going insane
 
Once again, it is an English heatwave
Valerie has sunglasses mirror
She's come out of her cave
She never likes to shiver
 
Ray has his handkerchief hat on
He's a milkman all gone stale
George, of course ever the fool
They kicked him out of school
 
How do they cope with madness
Only English know in class
They've all gone frigging mad
Themometer went a bit glad
 
One thing you can rely on in heat
Good ol' England on insanity street
If you are hot then just you see
They will offer you a cup of tea
 
 
 
 
Flemenco
 
 
I found this music called Flemenco
Spanish Dance
Sent my world into over-spin
Like finding Trance
 
I learned to love the culture
In English
Loved and adored the signoritas
With Spanish eyes
 
I danced around till way past midnight
In burning heat
Found that I loved all of this
On a Spanish street
 
I shouted "Ole" with all of my heart
I loved the sun
Completely opened myself
Spain has won
 
And so I'll dance the Flemenco
Until day done
Let myself go completely
Under the Spanish sun
 
 
 
Coffee Drinker
 
 
I was once a coffee drinker
Life's little thinker
Gave it up for a cuppa tea
Such a drinker
 
Lil ol' coffee drinker me
Now it's just tea
I used to get so addicted
Self- inflicted
 
Went to coffee anonymous
Such a fuss
Dentist said to try water
Big taught-er!
 
So I went off to a shrink
Cure for drink
Told me to get a life
Oh the strife
 
So I went back to coffee
With some tea
I guess that in the end
That is li' ol' me




Alexa
 
 
There was once a gerl named Alexa
Thing is you could never text her
Such a weather Lady, never says maybe
That's the gerl who is named Alexa
 
Asked her to dance, she said no chance
My abilities are contained within electra
I can tell you of a waltz, lots of smaltz
That is the gerl who is named Alexa
 
So what's the time, are you going to be mine?
She would always come back with a line
Try to get in her bed, reply left unsaid
Let's just say that it was oh so very fine 
 
Always brainy, always says maybe, in her way
She lives in the drawing room each and every day
In the kitchen, bedroom too, just keep her away
From The Study if you can but try and may
 
That gerl could dominate and take over your life
In time she could become your electronic wife
Start making you depend and lean upon her
She's electronic, you know, so why would she care!
 
 
 
  
THEORY OF EVERYTHING 

What was I born into?

Nearly 14 billion years brewing

Caught up in it maybe

It certainly has me stewing

I don't know what it is

Though I guess who started it

A complete experiment

Havoc at its core and lark

I know that God is the reason

To say else is treason

I will not question the reasons

As we discover the seasons

Oh I love my God and the life

Science tells us

How it all began

A big bang that was so rife

And so I work it out

Within my human mind

Such a micro universe

In this, God, we find

  



EDIT

There's nothing quite like an edit
Now who was it that said it?
Shift your words around each way
You'll never know what you say
Cue back to the preceding paragraph
Because it gave me such a laugh
It's all a case of, me, you, hearsay
We don't know what we said today
Come and give me an a new edit
There I must have gone and said it
My words twisted like all anew
I guess that I must have read it
So get me a bottle of brandy
I'll turn it into a jug of shandy
Did I really say that my dear?
Oh you edited; now I see clear!


WHITEBOARD (FACEBOOK)

Is Facebook my whiteboard?
Creative little muse
Toss and turn my thoughts
Which ones to choose
Work out my theories here
Such, oh, to tell
Though it never gets murky
Love, you know that too well
Is Facebook my note-book
Upon which creative ways dwell
Only I know the answer
Upon which I must dwell
We sure all need a whiteboard
For our theories to dwell
Seems like in Facebook
I have found it so well
 
 
 
SENSE OF HUMOUR 

One day I lost my sense of humour
I couldn't remember where I had put it
I thought that serious was just a rumour
Something you threw out in a bucket
 
The day my sense of humour took a walk
Had me in a state where I could not talk
Would I suddenly become the straight guy
No longer that knowing wink within my eye
 
How would people know me without a laugh
I'd get treated just like a cold, sharp draught
And so I searched top to bottom, all over house
Discovered sleeping spiders and a dead mouse
 
And there it was my sense of humour in place
Like my glasses, for I had left it on my face
I learned from this as surely you will see
For my sense of humour had played a gag on me
 
 


 
WISDOM GAG: As a door closes, another one slams in your face!
 
Gag: 'Two glasses of Chardonnay and I'm anybody's' Said Bert. 'After six you belong to the toilet bowl' remarked Veronica.
 

BEATLES GAG: If, as 'Lady Madonna' says, 'Tuesday afternoon is never ending', then no wonder 'Wednesday papers didn't come' ... on this hypothesis then as a Thursday child I do not exist to mend my stockings! Never mind 'has far to go' I'm not even here. Thank you Lennon/McCartney ... I am much enlightened now. Thursdays were abandoned because Tuesday afternoon would never end.


GOD GAG: How humour brightens our existence. I think that God put it there because He/She could not get over the joke of how Creation went wrong. All will be okay on the night, as Revelation tells us. Gee! I'm such a Bible-Basher ... You should see the knocked-out ones in The Study!


CHURCH of ENGLAND GAG: Don't say: 'Is this The Kingdom Of God?' Do say: "I loved the quiche you made last night!'
 

 
copyright dewyswriter 2025 






 

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