Two Paragraph Stories, Blogs, Jottings & Gags ebook by Alan Ewing (6) (Summer Special)

 

 

 

 

 

 Two Paragraph Stories, Blogs, Jottings & Gags ebook by Alan Ewing (6) (Summer Special)

 

 

 ODE TO BIRKENHEAD

 

You can always come to Birkenhead

Eat fried bread with bacon and egg

Take a ride on the number 72 bus

To Heswall with all of the pomp and fuss

 

Come on down to lil' ol' Birkenhead

We tend to say "Bir en' 'ead really

We talk in our own way when all is said

We'll take in Hamilton Square scenary

 

Come and fill your boots in Birkenhead

For those of you who are easily led

We'll take you down to Grange Precinct

Have a burger it'll be so succint

 

Get your arse down to Birkenhead

Music stores to get you out of bed

A library full of WW1 Wilfred Owen

Just so you know where yer goin'

 

So come join us here in "Bir en' 'ead"

We'll have such fun on a pub crawl

We'll get to see the rising dead

Hungover from night-before trawl

 

Hey come to see Birkenhead, Lady!

Used to be home of Paul O'Grady

Lovely Lily Savage you may just hold

As we walk down Corporation Road

 

 

 

UK HOT 

A MidSummers’ Day here

Thunderstorms on way dear

Getting so hot in your pants

Take them off privately by chance

It’s so dreadfully hot in here

Rain coming soon have no fear

Double down on my dance

It’ll be back with a sure chance

Gosh! I’m dancing in my kitched

Like the gerls on a night of bitchin’

Wine is flowing, don’t forget mate

You betta remember to re-hydrate

Can’t get comfortable in my bed

Sweat is pouring from my head

You only need to have a cup of tea

So much sweat there’s no need to pee

Oh! In England we are not used to this

We like fair weather though not like this

So let’s see now who is the keenest

To go and live on Planet Venus

Writer’s Perogative

 Musician I may be

Never free

Actor for lines

So fine

Puppets on string

Not a thing

Like dancers same

Someone's game

You see a writer

God's little fighter

Pulls the strings

With such things

As ideas on the wind

Ideology within

The writer is the power

Within rhyming hour

You see it's in the pen

To say here and then

Words are the way

Within a writer's play

 

 

2p Story

Valentine Surprise

Jimmy had it all worked out. His wife wouldn't be in till 6:30 pm. Julie was always a woman of routine with her work patterns. He had the table set with candles and wine. The bed was made. The electric blanket charged up. Barry White was on the record player. This would be a Valentine's Night to remember. One for the diary. he hooved up, cleaned and dusted so that Julie would be in a good mood with him when she got home.

 

When Julie arrived home her sister was with her. "Oh lovely!" Said her sister. "Table set and look at those chocolates". The door chimed its bell as more woman arrived. Jimmy had forgotten that it was Julie's annual works meeting and do. He went to bed with a lot of women's voices and laughter coming up through the ceiling. Jimmy hid his head under the pillow with great frustration.

 

 

 

GAG: 'I keep getting strange numbers on my phone" said Ethel. "You been responding to supermarket surveys again!" Groaned Mabel.

VALENTINE: Cue to Forlorn Street, where Dave Robbins is throwing a wobble because he was turned down for a date by Janet Wharton. He said he'd put forward a pound if she topped up the date kitty to £20 ... he got small change! 

GAG: "You're such a drama queen Gerald" said Carol. "You'd make a movie out of your little toe, with a sequel 'The Return Of The Little Toe"

NETFLIX GAG: 'Before you scroll to exit, go up one and "Get Help' you need it!' Laughed Edna. Bertie was not amused.

 

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