Valentine Works Do, a two-paragraph story by Alan Ewing, with Jottings

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

  Valentine's Work Do

a 2 paragraph story by Alan Ewing 

 

 

Jimmy had it all worked out. His wife wouldn't be in till 6:30 pm. Julie was always a woman of routine with her work patterns. He had the table set with candles and wine. The bed was made. The electric blanket charged up. Barry White was on the record player. This would be a Valentine's Night to remember. One for the diary. he hooved up, cleaned and dusted so that Julie would be in a good mood with him when she got home.

 

When Julie arrived home her sister was with her. "Oh lovely!" Said her sister. "Table set and look at those chocolates". The door chimed its bell as more woman arrived. Jimmy had forgotten that it was Julie's annual works meeting and do. He went to bed with a lot of women's voices and laughter coming up through the ceiling. Jimmy hid his head under the pillow with great frustration.

 

 

 Valentine Jottings

 

Meanwhile, down Valentines Road, Raymond is pouring his heart out to his budgie. "Cheep Cheep' He chirped. The budgie had learned to talk and replied: 'This bird seed is crap, very cheap cheap!' [no budgies were harmed in writing this gag; and neither was Raymond] Laugh! I could cry with these gags. I wanted to be a gag writer though they kept taking me seriously. Oo la la then!

GAG: 'I keep getting strange numbers on my phone" said Ethel. "You been responding to supermarket surveys again!" Groaned Mabel.

VALENTINE: Cue to Forlorn Street, where Dave Robbins is throwing a wobble because he was turned down for a date by Janet Wharton. He said he'd put forward a pound if she topped up the date kitty to £20 ... he got small change! 

 

 

 

copyright dewyswriter 2025

But I Didn't Get A Prize! A bit of a gag by Alan Ewing, with video

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 BUT I DIDN’T GET A PRIZE!

a bit of a gag by Alan Ewing

 

 

 

 

Once there was a show
One that would outwardly go
To where no other had been
A VOICE CRIED: “But I didn’t get a prize!”


Onwards the troupe would travel
Over pebble roads and gravel
To whence nobody had been before
AND THE VOICE CRIED: “But I didn’t get a prize!”


The ensemble walked over grass and fields
Dining each day on frugal meals
As they trudged along their way
THE VOICE STILL CRIED: “But I didn’t get a prize


The mobile wardrobe was in function
Some went fishing for their luncheon
Traveling on empty stomachs and mouths
THE VOICE CONTINUED TO CRY: “But I didn’t get a prize!”


Finally the cast reached their destination
No more time for procrastination
As the actors took to the stage
WITH THE VOICE CALLING: “But I didn’t get a prize!”


Finally someone heard the voice shout
And went and asked what it was all about?


TO WHICH CAME THE ANSWER: “But I didn’t get a prize! All I wanted was a balloon at the last place that we stopped!  

And so a shiny red balloon was given
As peace of call was hastily striven
THE VOICE HAD ITS PRIZE!

 

 

copyright dewyswriter 2025