Two Paragraph Stories, Blogs, Jottings & Gags ebook by Alan Ewing (6) (Summer Special)
ODE TO BIRKENHEAD
You can always come to Birkenhead
Eat fried bread with bacon and egg
Take a ride on the number 72 bus
To Heswall with all of the pomp and fuss
Come on down to lil' ol' Birkenhead
We tend to say "Bir en' 'ead really
We talk in our own way when all is said
We'll take in Hamilton Square scenary
Come and fill your boots in Birkenhead
For those of you who are easily led
We'll take you down to Grange Precinct
Have a burger it'll be so succint
Get your arse down to Birkenhead
Music stores to get you out of bed
A library full of WW1 Wilfred Owen
Just so you know where yer goin'
So come join us here in "Bir en' 'ead"
We'll have such fun on a pub crawl
We'll get to see the rising dead
Hungover from night-before trawl
Hey come to see Birkenhead, Lady!
Used to be home of Paul O'Grady
Lovely Lily Savage you may just hold
As we walk down Corporation Road
UK HOT
A MidSummers’ Day here
Thunderstorms on way dear
Getting so hot in your pants
Take them off privately by chance
It’s so dreadfully hot in here
Rain coming soon have no fear
Double down on my dance
It’ll be back with a sure chance
Gosh! I’m dancing in my kitched
Like the gerls on a night of bitchin’
Wine is flowing, don’t forget mate
You betta remember to re-hydrate
Can’t get comfortable in my bed
Sweat is pouring from my head
You only need to have a cup of tea
So much sweat there’s no need to pee
Oh! In England we are not used to this
We like fair weather though not like this
So let’s see now who is the keenest
To go and live on Planet Venus
Writer’s Perogative
Musician I may be
Never free
Actor for lines
So fine
Puppets on string
Not a thing
Like dancers same
Someone's game
You see a writer
God's little fighter
Pulls the strings
With such things
As ideas on the wind
Ideology within
The writer is the power
Within rhyming hour
You see it's in the pen
To say here and then
Words are the way
Within a writer's play
2p Story
Valentine Surprise
Jimmy had it all worked out. His wife wouldn't be in till 6:30 pm. Julie was always a woman of routine with her work patterns. He had the table set with candles and wine. The bed was made. The electric blanket charged up. Barry White was on the record player. This would be a Valentine's Night to remember. One for the diary. he hooved up, cleaned and dusted so that Julie would be in a good mood with him when she got home.
When Julie arrived home her sister was with her. "Oh lovely!" Said her sister. "Table set and look at those chocolates". The door chimed its bell as more woman arrived. Jimmy had forgotten that it was Julie's annual works meeting and do. He went to bed with a lot of women's voices and laughter coming up through the ceiling. Jimmy hid his head under the pillow with great frustration.
GAG: 'I keep getting strange numbers on my phone" said Ethel. "You been responding to supermarket surveys again!" Groaned Mabel.
VALENTINE: Cue to Forlorn Street, where Dave Robbins is throwing a wobble because he was turned down for a date by Janet Wharton. He said he'd put forward a pound if she topped up the date kitty to £20 ... he got small change!
GAG: "You're such a drama queen Gerald" said Carol. "You'd make a movie out of your little toe, with a sequel 'The Return Of The Little Toe"
NETFLIX GAG: 'Before you scroll to exit, go up one and "Get Help' you need it!' Laughed Edna. Bertie was not amused.
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