Two Paragraph Stories, Blogs, Jottings & Gags ebook by Alan Ewing (6) (Summer Special)
ODE TO BIRKENHEAD
You
can always come to Birkenhead
Eat
fried bread with bacon and egg
Take
a ride on the number 72 bus
To
Heswall with all of the pomp and fuss
Come
on down to lil' ol' Birkenhead
We
tend to say "Bir en' 'ead really
We
talk in our own way when all is said
We'll
take in Hamilton Square scenary
Come
and fill your boots in Birkenhead
For
those of you who are easily led
We'll
take you down to Grange Precinct
Have
a burger it'll be so succint
Get
your arse down to Birkenhead
Music
stores to get you out of bed
A
library full of WW1 Wilfred Owen
Just
so you know where yer goin'
So
come join us here in "Bir en' 'ead"
We'll
have such fun on a pub crawl
We'll
get to see the rising dead
Hungover
from night-before trawl
Hey
come to see Birkenhead, Lady!
Used
to be home of Paul O'Grady
Lovely
Lily Savage you may just hold
As
we walk down Corporation Road
UK HOT
A MidSummers’ Day here
Thunderstorms on way dear
Getting so hot in your pants
Take them off privately by
chance
It’s so dreadfully hot in
here
Rain coming soon have no fear
Double down on my dance
It’ll be back with a sure
chance
Gosh! I’m dancing in my
kitched
Like the gerls on a night of
bitchin’
Wine is flowing, don’t
forget mate
You betta remember to
re-hydrate
Can’t get comfortable in my
bed
Sweat is pouring from my head
You only need to have a cup of
tea
So much sweat there’s no
need to pee
Oh! In England we are not used
to this
We like fair weather though
not like this
So let’s see now who is the
keenest
To go and live on Planet Venus
Writer’s Perogative
Musician
I may be
Never
free
Actor
for lines
So
fine
Puppets
on string
Not
a thing
Like
dancers same
Someone's
game
You
see a writer
God's
little fighter
Pulls
the strings
With
such things
As
ideas on the wind
Ideology
within
The
writer is the power
Within
rhyming hour
You
see it's in the pen
To
say here and then
Words
are the way
Within
a writer's play
2p Story
Valentine
Surprise
Jimmy
had it all worked out. His wife wouldn't be in till 6:30 pm. Julie
was always a woman of routine with her work patterns. He had the
table set with candles and wine. The bed was made. The electric
blanket charged up. Barry White was on the record player. This would
be a Valentine's Night to remember. One for the diary. he hooved up,
cleaned and dusted so that Julie would be in a good mood with him
when she got home.
When
Julie arrived home her sister was with her. "Oh lovely!"
Said her sister. "Table set and look at those chocolates".
The door chimed its bell as more woman arrived. Jimmy had forgotten
that it was Julie's annual works meeting and do. He went to bed with
a lot of women's voices and laughter coming up through the ceiling.
Jimmy hid his head under the pillow with great frustration.
GAG: 'I keep getting strange
numbers on my phone" said Ethel. "You been responding to
supermarket surveys again!" Groaned Mabel.
VALENTINE: Cue
to Forlorn Street, where Dave Robbins is throwing a wobble because he
was turned down for a date by Janet Wharton. He said he'd put forward
a pound if she topped up the date kitty to £20 ... he got small
change!
GAG:
"You're such a drama queen Gerald" said Carol. "You'd
make a movie out of your little toe, with a sequel 'The Return
Of The Little Toe"
NETFLIX
GAG: 'Before you scroll to exit, go up one and "Get Help' you
need it!' Laughed Edna. Bertie was not amused.
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